Stressing over the Newborn Sleep Schedule

A story of failure and learning.

Nov 26, 2023

During my pregnancy, I was given a popular book that featured a plan to get my newborn to sleep through the night by eight weeks. Two weeks after my son was born, my husband and I were barely sleeping five hours a day, and were eager to test drive the schedule so we can get back to that elusive REM sleep ASAP.

According to the book, the key was to give the baby enough to eat during the day so he is less hungry at night. Since I was mostly pumping breast milk, I thought it would be easy for me to enact the schedule. I could give my son a bottle and control the ounces he was getting during the day. How hard can it be?

Day One

7:00am: Baby naturally wakes up to eat, matching the time the book says to start our day. Perfect. I put him on the play mat for his 90 minutes of wake time.

9:00am: Feed baby and put to sleep. So far, so good.

11:00am: Baby wakes up. He wasn’t supposed to wake until noon, now what do I do? I try to rock and put him back to sleep, but he cries and cries.

Soothing him gets us to noon and a short nap. Then I feed him according to the book and begin the 90 minutes of wake time again. Back on schedule.

1:00pm: All hell breaks loose. He starts crying and screaming. I look at my tracker app. Baby ate an hour ago, he can’t possibly be hungry again. My husband and I distract him with all the toys, and put him on his stomach for tummy time. The cries turn to wails.

To the bouncy seat!

1:15pm: The wails don’t subside so we finally give in and feed him again. He takes another full bottle, making me question if there’s something wrong with him for eating so frequently.

The rest of the afternoon is chaos. Exhausted, baby goes into a deep sleep for a few hours and doesn’t like us waking him up to eat. I tell myself, now it’s the witching hour, the book says it’s normal for him to cry. He just finished a long nap, let’s keep him awake!

And on we went for two more days, trying to get back on schedule each time baby woke up from an “erratic” interval.

By the end of the week, we gave up. I felt physically and mentally exhausted from trying to impose a schedule on an unwitting baby who didn’t know night from day.

In searching to restore my own sleep, I forgot one basic thought. Babies are humans, not robots. Why do we not treat them as such? We promote individuality at every other stage in life, but in babies we demand regimen. We can’t expect all babies to hit the sleep milestone by the same time, or that a schedule that works for some will work for all. Our pediatrician has a milestone chart in his office showing us what to expect each month, but last I checked there are no like charts for adults telling us what month we can expect to sprout gray hairs or go through menopause. Perhaps if we focused on our kids as individuals, we would stress less over milestones and better enjoy the moments we have, no matter how much sleep we’re getting.

I’d love to hear from you. Did you try the sleep schedule with your kids? How did it go?

During the first four months, there is no such thing as “normal” sleep patterns for babies.

Instead of focusing on a strict sleep schedule, we now aim to establish a bedtime routine for our son as he builds his circadian rhythm. The Cleveland Clinic has a helpful article on what to expect of your baby’s sleep patterns in the first year, and tips to help establish a foundation for starting to sleep longer stretches at night:

Make a 20-30 minute bedtime routine. This can include a bath, story time, nursery cuddles, and lullabies.
Let them nap during the day. It sounds counterintuitive, but naps will help them better fall asleep at night.
Remove bright lights from their nighttime sleep space.
When waking up to feed them, keep the mood calm and quiet.

Read the full article here.

A weekly roundup of personal tips and helpful finds

Re-watching: Those early 2000’s Blue Sky shows. If you binge watched Suits during your pregnancy like I did, then check out this list of fun hour-long procedurals you can watch when you need to turn your brain off. (The Messenger)
Following: @Askbubbie on Instagram. This pediatrician-turned-grandma has given me more than a few helpful baby care tips through her reels.
Deep Dive: Do you have a Stanley Cup? Read this fascinating account of how three women on Instagram helped the Stanley company tap into the female economy to turn their tumbler into the viral must-have mom gift. Another solid reminder that we have all the buying power, ladies! (Business Insider)
Listening To: The Little Luxuries podcast from Bad on Paper. This delightful episode reminded me that even in the trenches of new mom life, we can find ways to treat ourselves from a new face serum purchase to a perfect hot coffee.
Baby Book: What is a Family? This special ABC board book celebrates the diversity of families by identifying the unique name for groups of different animals.
Did you know that a family of Narwhals is called a Blessing?
Cook: It’s still pumpkin season if you ask me. This savory pumpkin pasta from Bon Appetit is my new favorite quick weeknight meal.
Courtesy of Bon Appetit

This week’s win comes to us from Sandra L.

After a turbulent fourth trimester, our 12-week old now sleeps through the night with one quick feed in between.

Congratulations, Sandra! Teach us your ways.

Each week we’ll feature a mom win from one of our readers. If you have a win you’d like to share, please leave a comment below and we will feature you in an upcoming issue.

Stressing over the Newborn Sleep Schedule

A story of failure and learning.

During the first four months, there is no such thing as “normal” sleep patterns for babies.

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